enough.

 

 

Knows when to say enough to stop creating

Knows when to say enough to stop destroying

Is patient for decades with the wickedness

Knows how to hone desires

Seeks relationship 

Looks for men and women who have hutzpah, spitfire 

 

This is who the trinity is. This is what they have been teaching me, and when I learn more about them, they teach me more about myself.

 

These last two months, I have been studying the Letter in a new light. I am that girl who loves perspectives, finding the context to truly understand the situation. My alumni squad leaders introduced me to the BEMA podcast which teaches the perspective and culture and context of how the Bible as it was written in the Eastern Culture. There is SO much we miss reading it with our western lenses. 

 

For the first time in my life, I don’t just read my Bible because it is the “good” thing to do and because I am hungry for more. I read it because it is literally my favorite book, and it is ALIVE. I don’t just know that; I BELIEVE that. There is a difference. I understand Jesus so much better; I understand Abba SO much better; I understand Pneuma better. 

 

I can’t explain it all. I just intreat you to discover for yourself. 

He is so faithful. When I was on my first mission trip, we sat down to debrief the end and asked each of us 12 year olds how they could pray for us over the years. I told them that I was hungry to know more, understand more. This month, I turn 22, so ten years later I am still so hungry for more, but I am so satisfied and excited for what He has already taught me. 

 

_______________________________

 

Something that has been an ongoing battle between me and the enemy on the race is believing that I am enough. Silly right? At the very beginning of the Race I learned that I hide because I want to be pursued because in essence, I never was growing up. I didn’t feel known, and I thought if I hid, that maybe I would be seen. What in reality I learned is that people now a days hardly ever pursue but the only one that pursued me how I was looking for was Abba. So in my younger years, Abba and I were besties which set a foundation for all my other relationships with people. When I was 17, God answered my family’s prayers of having a solid Christian young woman as my friend in my life. That relationship was a ripple affect to having dozens of brothers and sisters in Christ that I have befriended and love dearly. 

 

How does this all fit in to “enough’? I know who I am deep down and she usually doesn’t come into the light very often, only with some people, and then she comes alive as the lioness God said she was. People I know truly desire me and pursue me. What a rip off for the rest of the people I come in contact with! For real, though. I put so many thought up, deceived, expectations on myself that I think I believe people are putting on me, plus my own spears I put next to my steps when in reality, God places me on teams, with people who also are learning how to pursue, who also don’t do it really well, and He puts me in these situations because He is tempting me with the bait for the lioness to arise, to believe that 1) she is enough to be her 2) others are enough for her to not hold back her love. 

 

Is it worth it?

 

How much do I truly want to be alive and walking in that freedom?

 

I want YOU, yes, you who are reading, to keep me accountable. 

 

This month I am going to step in, not up (that isn’t needed). I already have the path God created me to walk on, tread on. So I just need to step on it, step into the wild, untamed land that I have barely smelled the dew on soft dirt, barely felt the breeze as it blows through the grass. 

 

How do you keep me accountable? 

Ask me how I was a lioness this month, this week, this day, this moment. 

Ask me where I had hutzpah and prowess. 

 

Also, pray against the darts of lies that the enemy will shoot at me as the lioness arises and steps onto her path. Lies of: when you speak, no one wants to hear; when you love people, it is always the wrong way; you are interrupting people’s lives by pursuing them; you never do anything well; you are too innocent and gullible to understand anything; people don’t like the real you. 

 

—-these are lies the enemy throws at me, and they are not true, and I have to keep throwing truth back at them. He won’t stop, especially when I seek to walk the path of who God created me to be, he gets terrified and tries even harder cuz that is exactly what he doesn’t want me to do. 

 

God knows when to say enough. And He wants me to learn that as well. To know when to say enough to the lies, enough to the expectations, enough. That is who He is and who He says I am too because I am made in His image, so it is now time to stop dabbling in it, it is time to walk. 

 

I am not forgotten; I am no longer chained; and I am no longer fighting against my flesh, but against spiritual wickedness. 

 

Are you walking the path?

 

Do you know how to say enough?

 

Have you let out the sails of your heart?