please don’t throw up on this roller coaster….

Where to start….

April 2019…doors started closing for my working in Louisiana for the summer, and I was getting quite nervous. Then with a smack to the head from the Holy Spirit, I realized that I just started planning things before asking God about it. I wanted to do this; I wanted to do that. Granted, none of them were sinful, and I wanted to teach everything I learned at Li-Wa to my girls in Louisiana about horses and more importantly God. But there was no peace. 

Talking and processing through this “lack of peace” with my friend, started getting wheels turning for her. I mentioned how odd it was that the six weeks of summer camp were the exact space of six weeks in-between World Race training camp and launch. I didn’t think it was an accident. Doing summer camp was on my mind, but I also knew how hard it had been those 1 1/2 semesters of interning at Li-Wa and prepping for the Race. Summer camp was a whole new level of crazy. And me, as an overcommitting can’t-rest-well person knew it would be a challenge for me, and I would have to rely on Jesus in ways I hadn’t had to before to just survive. But I could be there for my people, pour into my girls again, and focus more on saturating every lesson with Jesus. All I needed was a plane ticket back to Fairbanks. Posted the need on FB, and within 48 hours, the plane ticket was provided for. God is pretty awesome. 

Two weeks later, I got an email about Kingdom Foundations, a three week training right before launch that dove in deeper to training camp material. Hmmm….if only I saw this before committing to summer? Nah, God knew best. 

Two weeks in Illinois gave me a spiritual and physical rest I hadn’t had in years possibly ever. For the first time I could rest, really rest. Just me, Jesus, and the dog until everyone got back from work. God knew I needed this. 

Training camp was like getting hit by a waterfall and drinking out of a fire hose at the same time—-so much living water coming at me, literally a notebook full of notes. Not knowing how to start processing this….I realized what was coming. How do I fully prep for the Race and fully be in camp mode? I couldn’t and that was the hard fact. 

The last few days, leaders at TC started mentioning Kingdom Foundations. I was realizing how much processing of training camp I needed to do, a hunger to know and grow more, and I was starting to pray about Kingdom Foundations. The only thing holding me back? My commitment I made to doing summer and being there for my coworkers and kids. Backing out this late in the game was going to hit hard, and I didn’t want that, but I wanted God’s will more; I was so eager to grow closer to Him. Back and forth for days, calling my mentors, co-workers, praying, trying to seek His will. But nothing. The leader of this training told me bluntly, and I needed to hear it. “It looks like you are having trouble making decisions. Both decisions are good, but God is giving this choice to you to make.” That wasn’t the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted someone to tell me what to do—-exactly my issue he pointed out. I was just so scared of not following His will in this season; it was so important to me. 

So I weighed my two options, made lists (my life), and applied to do Kingdom Foundations…here I would title “How Shannon Learned to be spontaneous”. 

I called my co-workers saying I wouldn’t be doing summer camp at all. I was still planning on coming up to Fairbanks for the two weeks, but I would seek to transition my role as a wrangler out of camp, and not full on do camp. 

I show up to camp—-excitement that I was there, but confusion as several people were told I wasn’t even going to be there. Yikes, bad communication on my part. 

I helped out at the barn doing random projects. The second week I was put in more of a leadership role which was soooo much fun, but I had not planned on jumping in like that and I burned and crashed at the end of the week like I have never done before. 

If you have seen the movie “Mom’s Night Out” before, when the mom describes her having a “moment” and being stress paralyzed, that was me the end of that week which was nothing I had ever gone through before. It didn’t come gradually, but suddenly—-spiritual warfare anyone? I am usually the steady person helping the stress paralyzed person. It was weird being on the other end. Processing later…realized I had been in the victim circle letting circumstances control my emotions instead of me controlling my emotions towards circumstances. 

Said goodbye to as many people as I could find, and left three days later to start heading down to Anchorage because Kingdom Foundations was starting in a week. But it didn’t feel like the season at Li-Wa was done…..

On the way to Anchorage, an email came saying not enough people signed up for them to green light the training. I laughed. Wow. Now what? Go back to camp after saying goodbyes? “Hey, I am leaving for the next year—-SURPRISE, I’M BACK!!”  Eeeesshhh….

Praying a lot about it in Anchorage, and it was pretty clear that I needed to go back to camp. My mentors were there; I could be there for my girls; apply what I learned through training camp. Thankfully my co-workers were gracious enough to tell me that I could come back but also have a schedule that enabled me to fundraise, rest, and prep for the race that way I could be all in when I was on the clock at camp and then all in when it was time for trip prep. So I made the decision to come BACK to camp…..thankfully I hadn’t had peace to buy the plane ticket to training at that point…

Li-Wa was doing their summer staff retreat at Victory Bible camp while I was in Anchorage and were planning on going to the same fourth of July celebration as my family…..way to surprise people. That was fun. 

Leadership said I could catch a ride with them back up to Fairbanks that Saturday, so I packed up all my summer gear plus all my World Race gear and headed back up to Fairbanks to finish the last three weeks of camp as a wrangler before launch…

The amount of confused looks, questions of why’s, and how long are you heres are all things I got myself into. And it is just a bit annoyingly awkward. 

What did I learn: 

1. I need to own my decisions
2. Next time just say that there is a “possibility” I might be leaving camp early for training instead of blowing everything cold turkey out of the water and back and forth emotions and commitments. Way to confuse the new leaders around here of who I am.
3. Humility is a thing and apologizing is humbling. I put so many people on a rollercoaster ride with me, and I am truly sorry for that. 
4. Go for it. Run after God with everything in whatever situation.
5. You can’t miss the will of God if you are seeking the will of God—-something I needed to learn. 

This was the roller coaster ride of the last two months and I am still working out all the kinks. 

At this moment, I am planning on fundraising for the plane ticket from Fairbanks on the 31st to Atlanta for launch. Currently, God has provided $90 towards it. If you would like to contribute, contact me, and I would love to talk to you and figure out the best way for you to give. 

Currently only have $5000 left to raise and still praying for God’s provision of that to come in before August 1st! 

Thanks for not throwing up on me on the roller coaster. Life with God is crazy adventure always. Your graciousness and patience with me as I go through this season means SO MUCH!