// “Rise up like a lioness.” Numbers 23V24 is on my MacBook Air screen as I open it up  to accomplish daily tasks throughout the week.//

A few years ago I asked God to tell me who I was. People had told me many things ranging from an angel, horse whisperer, wise for my age, prideful, control freak to a bitch (excuse the harsh language). Many of these people around my life were inside themselves hurting, I was hurting, and hurt people hurt people deeply because the wounds are already open. 

I felt empty. I had God, but after giving up the controls of my horses, I felt I no longer had a title, a mission, a worth, no one needed me-this I all felt in my loneliness.

So I asked God who I was as I binged on food secretly to try to fill up the emptiness I felt within, but God was just beginning to awaken the women, His daughter, His warrioress within, telling me that that was not who I was inside. 

Sitting on the right side in the backseat of the truck that was pulling what we called our home-a 42 foot long fifth wheel RV- I would gaze out into the vastness of the landscapes that past by in between the pages of the pile of books I was reading-for something I did do a lot on this RV trip was read. Not any old books, but books full of knowledge and wisdom, marriage, love and war. I read almost any John Eldredge, Kris Vallotton, and Lisa Bevere book I could find in the Goodwills we would stop at to stretch our legs. 

And then there was the book the "Sacred Romance”-I shed many tears- as God was beginning to heal me- reading this book driving through the wild and untamed Canadian wilderness. The fact that God-the one and only God-was wooing me to Him, calling my name, yearned for me even though I turned Him away so many times, was beyond me. “Come away with me and be my love.” Song of Solomon

And I thought I loved Him then. 

Then as I picked up more books, I found “Fight Like a Girl” by Lisa Bevere, one that shocked me but opened me up in a new revelation. God made women unique, beautiful masterpieces that have their own strengths that differ from men. For years, I was taught by the world that women were cheap, useless, weak, control freaks, should be silenced, only good for childbearing or sex, etc. I hated being a woman. I honestly wanted to be a man and have more freedom. Whereas inside I was screaming because I didn’t feel known, I didn’t know I was lovely, I didn’t feel worth being pursued by a man. Feelings can sometimes be deceiving, but they can also be useful to help find the wounds that need the most healing. 

The next book I found was “Lioness Arising” also by Lisa Bevere. The title amused me as lions have always been pictures of fierceness, rage, violence, war, power, etc. 

Yet, was a lioness the same? I couldn’t stop reading; I was consumed. 

Then as if the book spoke to me-or God through the book- He said “You are a lioness, a lioness arising to My calling for you. I am training you to become a lioness, a warrior for women.”      Weird, right?

There are some things that differ from a lioness than a lion. Here are what the lioness actually does:

     | a lioness cares for ALL the young in the pack whether they are her own or not

     | she hunts with other lionesses-this doesn’t happen in any other animal realm

     | she fights alongside her lion

     | she defends her lion

     | she has prowess-what makes her powerful and confident

     | she has full confidence of her role in the pack

     | she protects her family

     | she knows how to be patience and wait 

     | she provides a sense of comfort and security to her pride

     | she loves and knows herself-her strengths and weaknesses

There is much more in the book that highlighted itself to me, but so much so that I would just recommend reading the book. 

This comes to a point of who I am and the name God gave me-He gives us all names if we ask Him who He says we are. 

Names have always been something intriguing to me-I love asking people what their name means because most of the time people actually live up to their name even if they don’t know it. 

Essie, the nickname I love hearing people calling me, is short for Lioness, the calling and journey God has me on right now. He is preparing me, teaching me who I am in Christ so that He can use me as a tool to further His kingdom. 

I am running my life after the verse “Rise up like a lioness.”

So who are you? 

Who does God say you are?

Who do you say God is?