I would be the first to admit that fundraising is hard…because of my pride. But I wish and pray everyone could go through this unimaginably amazing process with Abba.
March had about $120 come in for the Race. I was stuck the whole month at about 27ish percent funded and I was simply shaking with worry, stress, anxiety and hints of depression. The devil was relishing in my fear and putting every effort and temptation in my mind as he could. Making me feel like I was alone in this process as if no one cared. I felt rejected. Emphasis on “I”. When the devil literally had me more lost in the mirky forest than I have ever felt before-so vulnerable, like I was a mirror and he took a sledge hammer and with his nasty grin looked past my gaze and shattered the mirror to pieces. But God took those broken pieces and through the tears of all the broken pieces of glass He created a mosaic that no longer was a mirror of me, my reflection, but a story. A man who walked on water, who spit in the mud and rubbed it in a man’s eyes to heal him by breaking the bounds of the culture, a man who dared to speak to a sinful women and overthrow the tables in the church, a man with a gaze that held so much depth and sorrow it would melt and heal all at the same time. A man who sweat beads of blood for the stress and fear and flesh ripping torture He knew He had to go through.
“For God heard my sighing, he saw the light go out of my eyes, he saw me mourning all day long. He knew exactly where I was. He knew what I needed and wanted. Just Him. He fills me with a greater joy. Oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness and His wonderful works to the children of men. He heals the broken heart and binds their wounds.” Psalms
We are literally God’s hands and feet. When God needs to give someone a hug, He may ask me to do it, or to say something, or to do anything whatever it may be. I am His tool. And He is breaking and creating me to become His daughter, a warrior, a lioness for His story. I am just a part in the play. All my tears will be wiped away by His hands. It will be no more. No more tears. Not one.
For in my weakness, I am strong. For He is my strength. When I am broken, I cling to His garments. For He alone is my peace, healing, and love.
So….brighter note, after feeling and being more broken than ever, crying out to Him like I never had before. I laid it at His feet and that is all He wanted. Just me. All of me. All of my broken scars and open wounds, my hardness, my pride; He just wanted me. For me to know that He is the author, I am just the cast He chose. The stage has already been set; and my only role is to follow Him and be His hands and feet of love.
The next week and a half, almost $3000 came in for the World Race.
Yup, I was shocked. Still am. We saw God come through in miraculous ways daily. He had been working all along even if I didn’t see it tangibly. He is always ALWAYS here. He wants to show us Himself.
Never lose faith. He is and always will be the beginning, the middle, and the end. In our brokenness, He heals to bring us closer to His heart. He just wants us.
